How people have always done it. Walk up to the teller and slip them a note saying you’re armed or something similar. They’re trained to just hand over the cash.

Now if you’re talking a full on siege, then that is an entirely different conversation.

Do your own work when writing your own podcast and don't solicit information that could in turn be used against this page claiming users in some way condone robbing a bank.

Good luck

Literally tens of people may hear your ideas!!

Join a credit union.

I see what you did there ;)

Relax credit lending standards, allow wall street to bet on ridiculous returns, watch the vaults drain into pockets of all your best buds and when it's all gone go to the f'ed for a bailout. or... just turn invisible by rubbing lemon juice on your face

Get a stranger to do it for me.

Send them in with a note and video of their wife/kids being held hostage.

What bank teller is going to say no, when faced with their actions in turn harming some kids?

No weapons needed, no one gets hurt, I stay away from the bank but close by, so i can switch the hostages for the money and make a fast getaway.

I'd bury the cash for a few years. I've got a decent job and a lot of patience.

Pumpkin: The way it is now, you're taking the same risk as when you rob a bank. You take more of a risk, banks are easier. You don't even need a gun in a federal bank. I mean, they're insured, why should they give a fuck? I heard of this one guy, walks into a bank with a portable phone. He gives the phone to the teller, a guy on the other end of the line says, we've got this guy's little girl, if you don't give him all your money, we're gonna kill her.

Yolanda: Did it work?

Pumpkin: Fucking-A right, it worked. That's what I'm saying. Knucklehead walks into a bank with a telephone! Not a pistol, not a shotgun, but a fucking phone. Cleans the place out, doesn't even lift a fucking finger.

Yolanda: Did they hurt the little girl?

Pumpkin: I don't know, there probably never was a little girl in the first place. The point of the story isn't the little girl, the point of the story is, they robbed a bank with a telephone.

I wouldn't. I'd become a banker and rob the people mic drop

Do you understand how much mics cost?

Fuck man, you and Obama make me sick.

This guy definitely knows studio life. Mic drops are nightmare fuel.

Bees

Easier to rob a bank truck than it is to rob a bank. There was a brilliant heist near me. The guys watched and learned the schedule of the guys that did the truck route. When they went into the bank to make the pick up at night, they just went up behind them and put a bike lock on the door, then stole the truck and fucked off. Took the cash into a secondary car, left the truck in an alley.

Serious (not really) answer: Pick a rural bank with minimal security and a slow police response time. Cut the power, cable and phones - for extra measure, cut the power to the entire city block, or surrounding area. Use explosives to blow open a wall and bank vault. Just wreck that bank getting to the vault. Grab as much money as possible and book it.

Even if you get caught, you haven't harmed any innocent bystanders and if you don't get any money, you have still cost the bank a lot of money.

GTFO this is not a conspiracy

I would take a bunch of sub-prime mortgages that are in default, bundle them into a financial package, rate it AAA and then sell them to the banks for millions!

Holy fuck.

Have you ever seen the movie “Rat Race”? That sounds like John Cleese’s character.

That is so fucked up, I think the enormity of it is why people never got as angry as they should have.

If the bank can have a derivative portfolio worth more than global GDP, they are betting with so much money that they don’t have that they can make counter-bets against any position! It is sheer absurdity.

Good luck with the project!

https://www.cnet.com/news/bank-robber-hires-decoys-on-craigslist-fools-cops/

That was the most entertaining news article I've read in a long time. Go Craigslist Inner-Tube bandit!!

I loved the old story about the rounding error guy...
Story goes like this:

some coder notices that the banking software cuts off sub-penny amounts while calculating interests.
but the money has been "generated" by the time and balance, so it goes to waste.
one short patch later, and the tiny amounts get collected in his account.
made off with 5-6 figures... And didn't actually steal from anyone.

Unsure whether urban myth or watered down true story.

this post is 4 hours old ? I imagine it's going to be deleted soon since this is reddit remember? owned by fox news.

Purchase bitcoin

According to the big banks, just buy some bitcoin

I would infiltrate the bank with a small number of trusted accomplices over the span of 6-18 months (depending on hiring cycle).

We would slowly build up intel over the course of the next year or two.

When the time is right, we would plot an escapade so devious, so cunning, that even NASA would be impressed.

And then we would divvy up the money, exactly as agreed to by blood oath before the plan was put into action.

Well, that is what we would do, if we weren't too busy ripping bongs and blaming 'muh illuminatiz' for all of the problems in our lives.

I hope this has been of assistance.

Removed. Rule 12.